Beautiful Mess

It's been a long time for me not to put my thoughts into my writing..
i love writing..as well as reading..
many people..especially students will be shy if people recognize them as readers or writers..
but i love it..
i do really love reading and writing..hoho...
hell yeah..they can add my income..hoho..
i love to write fiction and post it to some magazines..and yeah..i get many benefits from it..MONEY..MONEY..kwkwkwkw...

i've been living independently since last year..and it was and is a very hard life to live..to deal with..
especially..financially...
err..sometimes i just eat once a day just to be economical and to pass week by week...

phew..
but, i have promised myself not to bother my family(i swear they wont feel bothered at all..they have more than ENOUGH to fulfill my life)..
but it's just so embarrasing when you know that your only sibling..in this case my only brother..Yohanes Benny Marwastu..has a more than perfect life..independent, smart, kind, wise, rich..and even handsome..!! while you...still studying..unemployment, full of fun fun fun fun fun, and many bad adjectives that you have..


My brother has more than just lucky in his life..
He was graduated form ATMI Solo...
and now is working at Schlumberger..
Go around the world..just clap his hands and he can fly to America, Australia..everywhere he wants..
He is just perfect..
he fulfills all my needs form the beginning i started to study in this university until now..
he pays my UKT, SKS, boarding house's cost, even my living cost!

he gives me gadgets that i need (Oh, shit! how could i pay these later on????)


he's just burden for me!!
he motivates me with great pressure!!!

It doesn't mean that i feel jealous with him..
i just wonder if i can AT LEAST have 6 out of scale 9, which is his..


i don't want to be anak yang hilang in the bible...
i want to be someone worthy in my family..
i dont wanna gove them burden..
but how can i??
how can i????

weel, ladies and gentleman..the fact is that now i'm tired..
tired of working all day long..

teaching my 11 private students and to be guide for foreigners are not an easy job!
they do really waste my time, actually...


huaaaaaaaaaaaa.....
even translating theses and writing stories are not enough...
i cant depend on them!


can somebody just gimmie a job??
i can work underpressure wis..tenin..huks..huks...


i am 21...and i dont want to bother my family..at all..!!

p.s..i hope my bro is not reading it..i still need the gadgets please..kwkwkkww...